basilmemories (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
basilmemories) wrote2008-06-07 07:47 pm
basilmemories) wrote2008-06-07 07:47 pm
It's that waaangst time again!
It's that monthly time again, no not that one where all men avoid you like the plague, but when I end up finding myself trying to decide just how many days I'm going to be inebriated to not deal with things. I'm lazy to do custom Lj-cut text, so just pretend that it doesn't really tell you to read more, this is just me doing this for my own benefit.
This week started out awesome, ok so I get to see Haru! YAY. Haru proceeded to be a figure of awesome and far too good a person for her own good. Also got to see Izzy, which is also yay. The evening however... uh, to not go into too many details I got food poisoning, wherein Haru ONE AGAIN was far too nice. This was also totally my fault because if I had gone home at six she wouldn't have stayed up that long and gone through so much. My first meetings are magical in that “full of fail” way.
So next morning I try to call in sick for work and make it home from the city without my body rebelling only... the number the hotel gave me wasn't right, and I didn't know this until I got home and dialed the right number. Despite me telling them I could call the hotel and prove that I wasn't making this up and that I was calling them right at that moment saying I was sick and couldn't come in; they still told me it counted as skipping work without notice. So apparently I may be getting a disciplinary action because of it.
So the next day I was sick, and the day after that too (but god knows I caught hell for calling in sick from my mom) and the one after that as well, which I did call in sick, but had to fake that I went into work so mom wouldn't kill me.
Friday was the day from hell, I got to work on time, and got my paycheck, which thank god was more then I was hoping. I did the morning shift but my boss was on my ass about maintaining “brand” which is to say making things look pretty for the nice higher-ups when the customers sure as hell don't care. Now I work fitting room, which are three thankless jobs in one: answer phones and try and get a goddamn person to help the customer when nobody wants to answer the calls over the walkie short of a manager making them, make sure clothes are folded and on the hanger the right way and in order on the mini-rack so the people who put the clothes back don't bitch at you for things being out of order, and making sure the customers follow the rules about the dressing room. The third one is sometimes the hardest. As I was saying though, when you have to do all those things at once the place gets MESSY, it's really a two-person job. So maintaining “brand” is all but impossible.
Now; do you really think a person who works in that area EVER gets, “hey basil, great job on keeping that mother-of-four from stuffing her cart into the fitting rooms with 27 items!” or “Thanks for handling that call that nobody wanted to pick up in any way, shape or form” oh yeah or, “thanks for organizing that rack, so we can get the job done faster!” FUCK NO. But! Everybody has time to come and complain how you're not doing it right! Or fast enough! EVEN IF THEY NEVER REALLY DID A FORMAL TRAINING IN THE FIRST PLACE.
So after about two hours of this I go on break to put my check in the bank, and I'm late, because I have only fifteen minutes to do a twenty-five minute job (but I, yanno, wanted to eat on my lunch, and I didn't have any money in the account at that moment to eat during break). But I don't hear about me being late for another two hours, when I'm supposed to go to lunch. Then I get taken to task because I was (GASP) going outside the building on my fifteen minute break. SOMETHING I WAS NEVER TOLD. And also I supposedly “reacted” when I was told I had to wait another thirty minutes for my replacement and she was damn late. (said “reaction” was because a customer had just dumped a load of clothing onto the pile and I wanted to hurry up so I wouldn't get bitched at for not maintaining brand, so yes I did grab a load and frantically start to put them on hangers how horrible of me) and guess what, that supposedly might get me a corrective action notice too. Cue me being fucking depressed until four when my time sheet that I copied down last week said I could go home. YAY four days off! YAY something finally positive! So I call over and oh didn't I know? I was going to be there for another half-hour and, why was the sales floor such a mess? It wasn't like I was the ONLY person who was putting clothes back that day and making sure the area was tidy or anything after being taken off the fitting room, nope. And yeah, it was just thirty minutes more, but the way the damn woman said it (and the chick at the fitting room who backed it up without asking to be a part of the discussion) just sure as hell made me feel like I was wanted around.
It was around this point (and totaling up what my bills would cost this month) that I really started wondering if anybody would give a shit if I crawled into a bottle and never came out. Now I don't drink, at least not when other people are around because I get depressed and shameless after the happy part wears off, but damn was it tempting. And hey, what was that? At bevmo there was a fifty cent beer tasting!
Let's fast-forward to about a few rums and beers later, I was feeling great! The night was awesome... or mediocre in reality but awesome at the moment. Life was tolerable! The post I had been waiting months to do looked like it was going to happen! Why the hell didn't I do this that often?
Cut once again to 2 pm the next day when I woke up, apparently me being late meant someone got to make the big party-post first and so the person didn't want to do it. Now yes, I overreacted; but hey, who DOESN'T want a large post for mingling-effects-whatever, but does it happen? Only when you don't want it. But mostly I think that I just wanted one thing to turn out good this past few days and it sure as hell didn't happen. Plus from the moment I woke up mom was bitching about me and how the past week was my fault (“if you had been responsible and come home on time.../if you had called me and not made your friends take the bullet for you/GOD why can't you think of anybody else/DON'T YOU DARE TRY AND PLAY THE VICTIM”) which she has some points, but yelling them at me doesn't make me feel any more inclined to accept them as the truth.
So yeah, I want to cry really badly right now, but I can't because mom will come in and make things worse, and to her seeing me cry is the sign that she's won. I really want to be alone right now, or drunk (but then my guard will be down around mom), or passed out. Passed out sounding like the best idea because I don't have to deal with things and murphy's law will fuck off and things will be okay when I wake up.
Or mom will be gone for a few days and I can get pissed and forget about shit, I can dream can't I?
This week started out awesome, ok so I get to see Haru! YAY. Haru proceeded to be a figure of awesome and far too good a person for her own good. Also got to see Izzy, which is also yay. The evening however... uh, to not go into too many details I got food poisoning, wherein Haru ONE AGAIN was far too nice. This was also totally my fault because if I had gone home at six she wouldn't have stayed up that long and gone through so much. My first meetings are magical in that “full of fail” way.
So next morning I try to call in sick for work and make it home from the city without my body rebelling only... the number the hotel gave me wasn't right, and I didn't know this until I got home and dialed the right number. Despite me telling them I could call the hotel and prove that I wasn't making this up and that I was calling them right at that moment saying I was sick and couldn't come in; they still told me it counted as skipping work without notice. So apparently I may be getting a disciplinary action because of it.
So the next day I was sick, and the day after that too (but god knows I caught hell for calling in sick from my mom) and the one after that as well, which I did call in sick, but had to fake that I went into work so mom wouldn't kill me.
Friday was the day from hell, I got to work on time, and got my paycheck, which thank god was more then I was hoping. I did the morning shift but my boss was on my ass about maintaining “brand” which is to say making things look pretty for the nice higher-ups when the customers sure as hell don't care. Now I work fitting room, which are three thankless jobs in one: answer phones and try and get a goddamn person to help the customer when nobody wants to answer the calls over the walkie short of a manager making them, make sure clothes are folded and on the hanger the right way and in order on the mini-rack so the people who put the clothes back don't bitch at you for things being out of order, and making sure the customers follow the rules about the dressing room. The third one is sometimes the hardest. As I was saying though, when you have to do all those things at once the place gets MESSY, it's really a two-person job. So maintaining “brand” is all but impossible.
Now; do you really think a person who works in that area EVER gets, “hey basil, great job on keeping that mother-of-four from stuffing her cart into the fitting rooms with 27 items!” or “Thanks for handling that call that nobody wanted to pick up in any way, shape or form” oh yeah or, “thanks for organizing that rack, so we can get the job done faster!” FUCK NO. But! Everybody has time to come and complain how you're not doing it right! Or fast enough! EVEN IF THEY NEVER REALLY DID A FORMAL TRAINING IN THE FIRST PLACE.
So after about two hours of this I go on break to put my check in the bank, and I'm late, because I have only fifteen minutes to do a twenty-five minute job (but I, yanno, wanted to eat on my lunch, and I didn't have any money in the account at that moment to eat during break). But I don't hear about me being late for another two hours, when I'm supposed to go to lunch. Then I get taken to task because I was (GASP) going outside the building on my fifteen minute break. SOMETHING I WAS NEVER TOLD. And also I supposedly “reacted” when I was told I had to wait another thirty minutes for my replacement and she was damn late. (said “reaction” was because a customer had just dumped a load of clothing onto the pile and I wanted to hurry up so I wouldn't get bitched at for not maintaining brand, so yes I did grab a load and frantically start to put them on hangers how horrible of me) and guess what, that supposedly might get me a corrective action notice too. Cue me being fucking depressed until four when my time sheet that I copied down last week said I could go home. YAY four days off! YAY something finally positive! So I call over and oh didn't I know? I was going to be there for another half-hour and, why was the sales floor such a mess? It wasn't like I was the ONLY person who was putting clothes back that day and making sure the area was tidy or anything after being taken off the fitting room, nope. And yeah, it was just thirty minutes more, but the way the damn woman said it (and the chick at the fitting room who backed it up without asking to be a part of the discussion) just sure as hell made me feel like I was wanted around.
It was around this point (and totaling up what my bills would cost this month) that I really started wondering if anybody would give a shit if I crawled into a bottle and never came out. Now I don't drink, at least not when other people are around because I get depressed and shameless after the happy part wears off, but damn was it tempting. And hey, what was that? At bevmo there was a fifty cent beer tasting!
Let's fast-forward to about a few rums and beers later, I was feeling great! The night was awesome... or mediocre in reality but awesome at the moment. Life was tolerable! The post I had been waiting months to do looked like it was going to happen! Why the hell didn't I do this that often?
Cut once again to 2 pm the next day when I woke up, apparently me being late meant someone got to make the big party-post first and so the person didn't want to do it. Now yes, I overreacted; but hey, who DOESN'T want a large post for mingling-effects-whatever, but does it happen? Only when you don't want it. But mostly I think that I just wanted one thing to turn out good this past few days and it sure as hell didn't happen. Plus from the moment I woke up mom was bitching about me and how the past week was my fault (“if you had been responsible and come home on time.../if you had called me and not made your friends take the bullet for you/GOD why can't you think of anybody else/DON'T YOU DARE TRY AND PLAY THE VICTIM”) which she has some points, but yelling them at me doesn't make me feel any more inclined to accept them as the truth.
So yeah, I want to cry really badly right now, but I can't because mom will come in and make things worse, and to her seeing me cry is the sign that she's won. I really want to be alone right now, or drunk (but then my guard will be down around mom), or passed out. Passed out sounding like the best idea because I don't have to deal with things and murphy's law will fuck off and things will be okay when I wake up.
Or mom will be gone for a few days and I can get pissed and forget about shit, I can dream can't I?