basilmemories (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
basilmemories) wrote2006-11-10 03:29 am
basilmemories) wrote2006-11-10 03:29 am
Start working on a pron game and end up in a morbid mood, who knew?
Or rather, a weird twist of things led to my current, not-emo-but-still-looking-up-dead-relatives-because-I-missed-out-on-stuff disposition. I wanted to map the city the game takes place in, or at least make a general map of the districts. Cut to me looking for a version of the dundjinni demo that has an urban setting. One of the files I downloaded had a version of the Eurhythmics “Sweet Dreams” on it, which I had wanted to get a hold of anyway, so on went the headphones.
At the ‘seven seas’ part a flood of old memories came back, which is strange because I’ve heard that song quite a bit and that’s never really happened. In any case I found myself thinking back to an old trailer in Minnesota with my cousin and I talking about the song on the radio. I’m not sure whether I listened to it because I hoped I’d garner some attention from her or if I mentally and verbally bitched at her for hogging the radio… probably the latter, I like classical thankyouverymuch.
However this made me think about the girl (who in fact was older then me) and how I never really kept in touch with her after I moved back to Ca. to be honest the last time I saw her alive was around the age of twelve, and to be honest, I never did go to her funeral… hell I don’t even know if she got cremated or not. Considering that I grew up with her (honestly, my mom recalls us watching cartoons as babythings) it seems odd that it would take about five or so years for it to get to me.
It’s not a “cry your eyes out” sort of deal though, it’s an “I wonder if she left any tracks behind, or photos on the internet. No google images, I don’t want a picture of a-
oh fuck.
That’s the same pose the little wooden bird she carried around had… why is THAT hitting me so hard when everything else isn’t?” way of getting to me. It wasn’t like the girl was a saint- far from it in fact (very vary far), and even when I think of her now there’s a long list of negative things that come up, I donno; it’s complicated how things were between us. In any case I’m not sure why these set of feelings came up, for ages I hated her, but on the other hand if I was going to be affected by her passing it also should have been ages ago.
Oddly enough it still doesn’t feel quite solid. I mean, I only heard of what happened, and I never saw any photos of what occurred or the funeral. Personally I’m not sure which is worse, seeing the body of someone you loved, or logically knowing they’ve passed but emotionally feeling they haven’t. Most likely the former.
Perhaps it’s the whole “hey family’s going to be there for Christmas and she’s not going to be there.” aspect of it. Now that I’m less worried about my aunt’s health, when the smoke cleared there was someone missingeven if she was an aggressive, stuck-up, darling, bitchy, always-better-then-me, sweetheart, fool girl.
Now there’s my eulogy for you woman; take it and take care wherever you may be.
-and if you’ve ended up in hell; keep a correctly toasty spot ready for when I get there someday.
Gah; I need to get off this serious streak now. I’m going back to working on the porn.
At the ‘seven seas’ part a flood of old memories came back, which is strange because I’ve heard that song quite a bit and that’s never really happened. In any case I found myself thinking back to an old trailer in Minnesota with my cousin and I talking about the song on the radio. I’m not sure whether I listened to it because I hoped I’d garner some attention from her or if I mentally and verbally bitched at her for hogging the radio… probably the latter, I like classical thankyouverymuch.
However this made me think about the girl (who in fact was older then me) and how I never really kept in touch with her after I moved back to Ca. to be honest the last time I saw her alive was around the age of twelve, and to be honest, I never did go to her funeral… hell I don’t even know if she got cremated or not. Considering that I grew up with her (honestly, my mom recalls us watching cartoons as babythings) it seems odd that it would take about five or so years for it to get to me.
It’s not a “cry your eyes out” sort of deal though, it’s an “I wonder if she left any tracks behind, or photos on the internet. No google images, I don’t want a picture of a-
oh fuck.
That’s the same pose the little wooden bird she carried around had… why is THAT hitting me so hard when everything else isn’t?” way of getting to me. It wasn’t like the girl was a saint- far from it in fact (very vary far), and even when I think of her now there’s a long list of negative things that come up, I donno; it’s complicated how things were between us. In any case I’m not sure why these set of feelings came up, for ages I hated her, but on the other hand if I was going to be affected by her passing it also should have been ages ago.
Oddly enough it still doesn’t feel quite solid. I mean, I only heard of what happened, and I never saw any photos of what occurred or the funeral. Personally I’m not sure which is worse, seeing the body of someone you loved, or logically knowing they’ve passed but emotionally feeling they haven’t. Most likely the former.
Perhaps it’s the whole “hey family’s going to be there for Christmas and she’s not going to be there.” aspect of it. Now that I’m less worried about my aunt’s health, when the smoke cleared there was someone missing
-and if you’ve ended up in hell; keep a correctly toasty spot ready for when I get there someday.
Gah; I need to get off this serious streak now. I’m going back to working on the porn.